YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
