i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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