Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
