Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
