How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
