The maid of honor just puked.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
