I just saw a hot homeless man
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
