he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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