Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
