jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
