We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
