I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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