I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
