we have pet lesbian snakes
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
