Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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