So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
