I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
