Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
