Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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