after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
