Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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