He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
