STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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