It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
