My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
