I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
