woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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