can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
