just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
