There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize