Pants 0. Shit 1.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
