i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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