I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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