Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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