i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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