I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
