Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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