i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize