That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
