I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
