I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
