So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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