No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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