don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
