tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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