also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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