like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize