Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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