Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
