11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
