either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
