why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
