He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
