After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize