remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
