Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
