i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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