Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
