so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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