the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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