Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
