We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize