You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize