That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
