woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't think brook has ever known best
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
