Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
