and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
