I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
