How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
