I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
