Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
