I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
