Cold hands, warm shart.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
