I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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