FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize