i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
