Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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