dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
