I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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