dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
