And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
