oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize