Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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