this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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