I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
