Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
