Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize