So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
