I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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