Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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