how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
