drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
