I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
