nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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