it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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