I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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