If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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